Welcoming a Baby Brother

Last week, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, our second.

Before the baby’s arrival, my wife and I had tried to prepare our two-year-old son, Jack, for the new addition. "Where’s your baby brother?" we would ask, and he would dutifully point to mom’s ever-expanding belly.

One unfortunate downside to this lesson was whenever daddy’s t-shirt rode up, Jack would point to the exposed flesh. "Baby brother?"

"No Jack," I’d say in no uncertain terms. "Only mommy carries baby brother. Daddy just needs to work out more."

My wife ordered the book "I’m a Big Brother Now" online and we read it faithfully before Jack went to bed every night. We played with a baby doll that Jack would hold and feed baby bottles to. We constantly told Jack what a great big brother he would be.

Yet another in a long series of parenting mistakes, apparently.

At least, according to Celia Bardoff, a local Nurse Practitioner who’s been working with babies for about 20 years.

"What we want to do is minimize 'You’re gonna get a new baby. You’re gonna be a big brother." They know it, they hear all the commotion going on, especially from the grandparents. And so, the less you make a big deal about it, the better off it is. They need to discover these things, just like everything else, in their own time."

So far, Jack seems to be adapting well to the squeaky new guy in town. He always wants to kiss and hold the new baby, to help carry the car seat around, and to help with changing diapers (sweet!) When the newbie cries, Jack mimics things he’s heard us say, like "It’s okay, baby."

Bardoff says this kind of involvement is fine, as long as he’s choosing to be involved. "He’s making that initiative himself," she says. "Make him feel a part of it but don’t shove it down his throat."

In the meantime, we’re careful to keep a lot of time open to spend with Jack, taking advantage of offers from grandparents and others to watch the baby when possible. So far, so good.

As a sidenote: I’ve been thinking a lot about why newborn babies smell so damn good! Before I had kids, I assumed that was some gobbledygook new parents spouted because they were so happy about having a baby, but it’s true! I could sit and sniff this little guy’s noggin all day! I’ve decided it must have something to do with evolution, i.e., the babies that smelled nice had a better chance of surviving because our evolutionary forebears—who managed to raise them without Bjorns or Bumbos—were more likely to take care of somebody that smelled nice than somebody who didn’t.

Thank goodness I don’t need anybody to take of me anymore. I’d die out. Got an alternate theory? Leave a comment...