Rating: 1.5 stars
Paul Blart: Mall Cop would’ve made a nice digital short. The story of an out-of-shape, over zealous mall cop (Kevin James) who takes down a band of criminals, Die-Hard-style has a few laughs. It’s funny when Blart runs after the bad guys and falls over for no apparent reason. It’s funny when he acts like he’s been badly hurt, but it’s just a tiny scratch (which he promptly covers with a Hello Kitty band-aid). It’s really funny when he charges into the bank where the hostages are being held, but first dutifully weaves his way through the bank line barrier posts. And . . . that’s about it.
Instead, they tried to make a whole movie about this guy, figuring that the more pathetic Blart was, the funnier his heroism would be. Bad call.
The first 30 minutes of Paul Blart: Mall Cop are actually painful to sit through. They filled me with existential dread. I don’t think executive producer Adam Sandler and co. were going for existential dread when they created the movie, but maybe that’s where I’m wrong.
How much of a loser is Blart? His ex-wife...