The Twilight Saga: New Moon

New Moon really is like porn for tweens. It has two dreamy boys—one athletic and smiley; the other brooding and poetic—both deeply, madly, eternally in love with the same girl. It features lots of moony stares and desperate embraces—and the fact that the athletic boy is a werewolf and the brooding guy is a vampire only adds to the total emo-ness of it all.

But I have to give the filmmakers credit. Much like Twilight before it, New Moon is respectfully pandering, if such a thing is possible. It gives the audience, almost all of whom have read (and in some cases memorized) Stephanie Meyer's books, exactly what it wants. So Edward the vampire (Robert Pattinson) lurks in shadows and wears overcoats and perfects his tortured pout. And Jacob the werewolf (newly buff Taylor Lautner) runs through the woods and climbs deftly into bedroom windows—often without his shirt. Meanwhile, Bella (Kristen Stewart) pines beautifully—mostly for Edward but maybe a little bit for young Jacob, too.

In this one, as in the original, Edward and Bella are totally in love, and their relationship can be boiled down to this: "Wemust!. . .But we mustn't!" Edward is in one of his "We mustn't" phases and he leaves Bella alone in the woods, never to return. (Never, by tween standards, is about six months—or 50 minutes movie time.)  So Bella commences the beautiful pining and is racked by horrific nightmares, until she starts hanging out with Jacob, who soothes her soul.

Meanwhile, we are introduced to bad-ass vampire royalty, the Volturi, led by Michael Sheen, slumming with gusto, and an almost-grown-up Dakota Fanning, who I hope has a bigger part in Eclipse.

Production values are excellent. And a few times the film is funny on purpose (mostly courtesy of the great Anna Kendrick, who plays Bella's so-over-it best friend). Those concerned about Chris Weitz taking over the directorial reins from Catherine Hardwicke should rest easy—the transition is seamless.

As I griped in my review of Twilight, it bugs me that Bella wants to become a vampire so she can be with Edward forever. I like tween novels that encourage young girls to do their own thing, not be subsumed by some hot guy.

But Stewart is a good actress, and she gives Bella an appealing stubbornness. And besides, if Bella was all like, "Good point, Edward—this thing between us would never work," we wouldn't have much of a movie, now would we?