April, 9th 2009

Hannah Montana: The Movie

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Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) is the tween girl’s answer to Batman. For those who don’t know, during the day she is normal high school kid Miley Stewart (also Cyrus), then at night she dons a blonde wig, changes into micro minis and Lycra, and becomes international pop sensation Hannah Montana! No one ever seems to notice the resemblance.

Having never watched the Disney Channel show on which this movie is based, it didn’t occur to me that the mere thought of unmasking the real Hannah would be a cause for tween panic. I actually figured that a happy ending to the Hannah Montana series would be if the two sides of Hannah could somehow reconcile. (I mean, the show can’t go on much longer, right? Cyrus is already 16 going on 35.) Wouldn’t it be great—less stress for character and viewers alike—if she could be, I dunno, Miley Montana? Hannah Stewart?

Well, apparently not. Because at one point towards the end of Hannah Montana: The Movie, our plucky heroine runs the risk of being exposed—a tenacious British tabloid reporter has...

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April, 9th 2009

Observe and Report

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Apparently, the shopping mall is this generation’s version of hell on earth. (I love the smell of Bath and Bodyworks in the morning?) How else to explain the fact that there have been two movies about mall cops within the span of two months? I mean, even if you believe that some sort of studio espionage was involved, that still means that somewhere out there were two mall cop scripts, and the second one just got greenlit a little bit faster to keep up with the competition.

In my review of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, I called it simply too depressing to be funny. Paul Blart was such a pathetic loser I found myself cringing more often than laughing (the fact that the jokes weren’t funny didn’t help). ButObserve and Report makes Paul Blart look like an episode of Dora the Explorer. If Paul Blart merely hints at something grim and disturbing, Observe and Report ...

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April, 3rd 2009

Adventureland

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More than 10 years ago, Greg Mottola made a near-perfect indie gem, The Daytrippers, about a woman who suspects her husband of cheating and embarks on a car ride from hell to Manhattan in a wood-paneled station wagon with her squabbling parents, her kid sister, and her kid sister’s pretentious boyfriend. It was funny, it was wise, it was drolly hip. Then Mottola kind of disappeared for several years, mostly directing TV shows. Finally, he resurfaced in 2007 with the hilarious blockbuster Superbad—a film I actually loved, but that didn’t share the intimate indie sensibility of his first feature.
It’s no surprise that the ads for Adventureland trumpet: “From the Director of Superbad!” (I mean, what are they supposed to say: “From the guy who directed a few really good episodes of Arrested Development?). But that’s slightly misleading. In fact, if you split the difference between The Daytrippers and Superbad, you pretty much haveAdventureland, which has...

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April, 2nd 2009

Fast & Furious

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Rating: 1.5 stars

Oh, how the trendy have fallen. Eight years ago, two rising star actors—the beef-cakey Vin Diesel and the surfer dudeish Paul Walker—made a hit film about fast cars and fast women called The Fast and the Furious. A sequel followed—2 Fast 2 Furious—but this time only Walker appeared; Diesel, apparently, had bigger fish to fry (like, uh, The Chronicles of Riddick?). Then came a third iteration—The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift—but neither Diesel nor Walker condescended to appear in it.
Well, it’s 2009 and Walker (a pretty, but wooden actor who seems more suited to The CW then the big screen) and the brooding, sculpted Diesel (who has been passed over by The Rock and Jason Statham as the action hunks du jour) have seen their careers flat-line. So they’ve pretty much crawled back to their reliable franchise.
Hate to say it guys, but. . .you should've stayed under those rocks.
It’s been 6 years since we last saw the little speed demons. Dom (Vin Diesel) is still racing cars, leading his gang, and dating...

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March, 27th 2009

Monsters vs. Aliens

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Rating: 2.5 stars

In the 3-D animated sci-fi flick Monster vs. Aliens, blushing bride Susan Murphy (Reese Witherspoon) gets zapped by an alien meteorite and becomes 50-feet tall, much to the chagrin of her smarmy TV weatherman husband (Paul Rudd). She then gets absconded by the government and placed in a secret laboratory with other “monsters.”
“But I’m not a monster!” Susan protests. Eventually, she bonds with her fellow charges: Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie), a brilliant scientist who, a la Vincent Price in The Fly, accidentally turned himself into a roach; The Missing Link (Will Arnett), who just wants to party; B.O.B. (Seth Rogen) a brainless but loveable blob; and the Mothra-like Incectosaurus.
Monsters vs. Aliens is about rejecting convention and embracing your inner freak. It also has lots of fun sending up those 1950s sci-fi films, although most of those jokes will go over little ones’ heads. There are several laugh out loud moments: Susan, now nicknamed Gigantica, dangles perilously off the side of a building before she realizes...

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March, 27th 2009

Sunshine Cleaning

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Rating: 3 stars

Sunshine Cleaning—about a couple of down-on-their-luck sisters (Amy Adams and Emily Blunt) who start a crime scene clean-up business—suffers from a bit of whimsy overload. It’s one of those self-consciously quirky indie films—one sister communicates with God through a CB radio; their father (Alan Arkin) engages a series of improbable get-rich-quick schemes—that tend to do well at local art houses. Little Miss Sunshine, which Sunshine Cleaning rather slavishly takes cues from (I mean, could they be more obvious?) would be the gold standard.
Rose Lorkowski (Adams) is a former cheerleader and high school overachiever whose life got derailed by the birth of her son. She now has a dead-end job (cleaning houses), a deadbeat married boyfriend (Steve Zahn), and only the fading memories of her high school glory years. Her sister Norah (Blunt) is listless and jaded, an angry girl who drifts through life in a fog of disaffection. It’s Rose who decides to start the crime scene cleanup...

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March, 20th 2009

Knowing

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Rating: 2 stars

The key to watching Knowing is to simply enjoy the ride. Because if you start to connect the dots—and they’re all there, laid out pretty obviously—you begin to realize that something truly silly and self-important is about to transpire. Anticipating a horrible ending—and Knowing’s is a real doozy—is a surefire way to ruin a film.
But at least for a while, Knowing is a decent, if overly noisy, sc-fi/action/horror film about a creepy little girl who buries a series of frantically scrawled numbers in a time capsule. Fifty years later, that time capsule is dug up and her scrawlings are given to 10-year-old Caleb (Chandler Canterbury) who is being raised by his widower father John (Nic Cage) an MIT astrophysicist.
John, an atheist who believes that everything in life is random, inspects the numbers and begins to see that they correspond to the dates and casualty counts of world-wide disasters—many that took place after the capsule was buried and some that are yet to come. John becomes convinced that it’s his job to alert people to...

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March, 20th 2009

I Love You, Man

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Rating: 2.5 stars

I Love You, Man follows many of the conventions of the romantic comedy:
We have two people, hopelessly mismatched, yet destined to be together.
They meet cute, fall in love, and break up.
In the end, there’s a wedding where they realize they can not be apart.
Of course, the difference here is that I Love You, Man is about a platonic love affair between two straight guys and the wedding is between our hero Peter (Paul Rudd) and his girlfriend Zooey (Rashida Jones). But make no mistake, all eyes will be on Peter and Sydney (Jason Segal).
As the story begins, Peter, a Realtor who is trying to sell Lou Ferrigno’s house (yes, the Hulk himself is featured), has just proposed to Zooey and she has accepted. Both are ecstatic, but Zooey has one lingering concern: Peter is the kind of guy who enjoys nothing more than a night of fine wine, summer salads, and a screening of Chocolat, and thus, he has no male friends. Zooey is worried this might make him a bit clingy.
So Peter sets off to find a BFF, a bro...

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March, 6th 2009

The Watchmen

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Rating: 2 stars

I suppose when you film a nihilistic and profane graphic novel about morally ambiguous super heroes in a dystopian alternate universe, you have an obligation to the novel’s hardcore fans. After all, they’re your guaranteed audience, the only ones invested enough in the material to show up no matter what. But here’s the problem with that logic: The readership for The Watchmen may be sizeable, but they would amount to a mere gnat on Spiderman’s spinneret, relatively speaking. Those cult fans alone ain’t going to move the box office needle.
So you could attempt to make the adaptation more tame, less dense with mythology, less pornographically violent, and more user-friendly. Whoa, boy—then you’re really in trouble. Pissed off fans and a watered down product. Not exactly a recipe for success.
So director Zack Snyder, the blockbuster wunderkind behind the hyper-stylized (and soul-dead) 300, chose the only route he could—talmudic faithfulness to the novels—with predictably shaky results. Maybe The Watchmen...

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March, 6th 2009

The Class

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Rating: 4 stars

American movies spend a lot of time in classrooms, but they usually don’t stick around for long. Most films about teachers—Dead Poet’s Society, Dangerous Minds, even a tough-minded indie gem like Half Nelson—only have the patience to spend a few minutes at a time with the class. There’s some revelatory speech or life-changing confrontation and then—oh, look at that!—the bell conveniently rings and the students file out.

The bell rarely rings in The Class, and the inspirational moments are few and far between. Instead, we see what it’s like inside a real class in a rough Parisian neighborhood—the insolent kids, the fights breaking out, the maddening distractions, and, yes, the small triumphs. The film plays like a documentary, and it very nearly is: It stars French middle school teacher François Begaudeau as a version of himself, based on his memoirs. The students are played, with remarkable naturalism, by real French teens.

It may take American viewers a while to adjust to this film. There are no breakthroughs. There is...

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