A few questions will perplex you as you watch The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Here, I will attempt to answer them.
Q: Where is Rachel Weisz?
A. She got her Oscar and got the hell out. She has been replaced by Maria Bello, who is sporting a dark wig and a British accent. Perhaps the filmmakers thought we wouldn’t notice?
Q. How did Brendan Fraser and Maria Bello end up with a 20-year-old son?
A: Apparently, many years have passed since the last film. The fact that Fraser’s Rick O’Connell looks exactly the same as he did before he had a 20-year-old son should not distract you.

Q: Who’s the charmless actor who plays the son and why does his voice sound so funny?
A: His name is Luke Ford and he’s Australian.
Q: Why does this whole plot about raising a dead army led by an evil king (Jet Li) feel so familiar?
A. Because it was done, much better, a few weeks ago in Hellboy 2.
Q: Why do people keep saying things like, “You’re a mummy magnet!” and “I hate mummies, they never play by the rules!”?
A: Apparently, Tom Stoppard wasn’t available to write the screenplay.
Q: What the hell is a great actress like Michelle Yeoh doing in this flick, playing an immortal white witch?
A: I believe the official term is “slumming.”
Q: Why are the special effects so cheesy?
A: We’re in a recession.
Q: Hey, well at least the Abominable Snowmen were kind of cool.
A. That wasn’t a question, but yeah, they were.

Posted at 12:08 pm
Categories: film reviews