So here is a fun fact I just learned about myself: I suck at playing hard to get. It turns out, when I have interest in someone I practically gift wrap myself and sit on their doorstep. It’s an unfortunate discovery because I always thought I was good at playing aloof and coy. Not so much.
Recently, I met this guy and, while I thought he was cute, I didn’t really imagine that I would develop an interest in him beyond friendship. (In retrospect, I should have known better because all my boyfriends started as friends.) At first glance, he came off as a bit cocky, but I quickly learned that was just a façade. He was actually funny and smart and ambitious and hardworking—just generally the kind of person people like being around. (You know—like me!!) And so, as we spent more and more time together, I became really attracted to him. Whenever he showed up somewhere, I could just feel myself get instantly happy. Not exactly butterflies, but my smile definitely widened.
So how does the Baltimore Bachelorette go about pursuing someone she is interested in? I would love to tell you that I played it cool, did some cleverly calculated flirting, and waited for the right moment to make a move. But nope! I basically was like, “I like you! I like you! I like you!” Okay, maybe not exactly that obvious, but the words definitely came out of my mouth in conversation. Couple that with the fact that each time I would get a few drinks in me I would practically throw myself at the poor guy and try to get him to make out with me. Classy, right? Well, I am not proud of my behavior and, as you would expect, my methods failed miserably, and now the guy probably thinks I am a lunatic. C’est la vie.
But as much as I may wish I could go back and perhaps do it differently, when I really think about it, I shouldn’t. This “balls-to-the-walls” approach to life is just how I am. I have lived the regret of “what ifs” and “if onlys” before, and it’s a horrible feeling. Two times, I’ve had my life put on hold due to health reasons that landed me in the hospital. And I promised myself that once I was back on my feet I wouldn’t waste my life with worry or regret or hesitation. Yes, it’s scary to put yourself out there and tell someone how you feel about them. And no, it doesn’t always work out the way you want. But how much worse is it to find out that things could have worked out if you had just spoken up and said how you feel?
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I like someone, you can tell. If I don’t like someone you can tell. I am basically easier to read than a TV Guide. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Actually, it just means that I am a terrible liar, and that you know where you stand with me. And I don’t regret any of the times in my life I have laid my heart on the line and expressed feelings for someone. If they hold my openness against me then they clearly aren’t the right match for me anyway. Okay, so maybe I can work a little harder at corralling my advances when I’ve had a few cocktails, but, hey, the right guy may even find that adorable.