Recently a coworker and I attended a seminar on time management. The speaker posed a thoughtful question to the group. “What is one thing that you haven’t done yet in your life that you really want to do?” Answers from other attendees in the room ranged from buying a house to working in a vineyard, learning Italian, or running a 5K. What do you think my answer was? Perhaps something ultra glamorous like travel the world, write a best seller, or have my own radio show? Well, those are all valid guesses, and definitely on my list of goals. But my number-one answer came without hesitation and it was . . . to have kids.
What? The Baltimore Bachelorette’s biggest goal in life is to be a mommy? Yes! As far-fetched as that may seem to some based on my “life is a party” outlook, it’s absolutely true. In fact, since my days of baby dolls and babysitting, I can’t remember wanting anything more than to create a whole new person who loves you, looks up to you, trusts you, and expects you to have all the answers. (Of course, I am speaking of children before they become teenagers.) Yes, it’s a ton of responsibility and work, but, hey, I feel like I put the same effort into my career, with no hope of the big emotional payoff of hearing someone call you Mommy.
This leads to the inevitable question: If I want kids so badly why am I not making this goal a bigger priority in my life? Truthfully? I’m scared. Not of being puked on, or changing poopy diapers, or even childbirth. I’m scared of time. No, I don’t mean my biological clock! I mean lack of time. I barely have enough time to go to the gym right now, or get the oil changed in my car. How can I make the time for a child that they need? My dad worked all the time when I was growing up, and my mom was always home with us. I don’t want to abandon my career, but does that mean I need a Mr. Mom? So much to figure out.
So with all this insecurity over parenthood, why did I pick kids as the answer to the speaker’s question? Simple. When looking at the other goals in my life, those that relate to my career, I feel like they are attainable. If I work hard enough, I can make them happen. Kids on the other hand, there are other factors that are out of my hands. (Finding a man I want to have them with, for one!) And what’s the point of aspiring to a goal that can be easily achieved? Dream big or go home, you might say.
In the end, when questioning if I can ever make motherhood work, I just remember what my sister Danielle said to me about her daughter Kinsley: “She’s the best thing I have ever done.” So while I am proud of the things in my life I have accomplished, I’d like to think my greatest moment is yet to come. I am probably just a few more time-management seminars away from it.
