As you may remember from a few columns back, I liked this certain guy. But due to my overzealous behavior and complete lack of subtlety, I totally blew it. But was that really how it happened? Looking back at the situation (and others like it), I think perhaps I’m too quick to blame myself. I always think I was “too eager” or “too open.” I wasn’t “pretty enough” or “thin enough.” But you know what? Screw that! Maybe he just wasn’t the guy for me, and that’s why it didn’t work out!
I think our romantic paths carve themselves out for us, whether we know it or not, and it’s ridiculous to allow ourselves to become insecure or feel insignificant over it. Yes, sometimes we make poor choices or say the wrong thing, but I am really starting to believe that when we meet the “right” person, there is no “wrong” thing we can say or do. Or maybe it’s more that, to the right person, those things won’t be a reason to walk away. Hey, perhaps they will even find the spilled wine, the 40 text messages a day, or the late-night Taco Bell runs endearing and adorable.
I know in the past, I have dated guys who were not exactly wordsmiths, and some, frankly, said some pretty stupid stuff. But did that become a reason for me to lose interest? Nah. Most times, I actually found it pretty cute when they blathered a bit while trying to tell a story. And as far as overzealousness goes, when I am into a guy, I love getting random texts and messages on my Facebook, or having them tell me a song reminded them of me. But, when those gestures become too much, I know it’s for one reason only: I’m just not that into him. The best gifts coming from the wrong person are never as appreciated. And honestly, at times they even make us feel guilty because we know we’re not having the desired reaction. (If you have ever put the words “oh, no” in front of the words “he’s in love with me,” you know exactly what I am talking about.)
So, just as we can’t be mad at ourselves for not returning feelings, we shouldn’t be angry at someone else for not returning ours. Love is subjective. We can’t always predict whom we will fall for. (Lord knows, I have surprised the hell out of myself in the past!) Sometimes you just need to concede that you aren’t the one for that person—and that’s okay. It sucks, of course, because we all want to have what (and who) we want. But reaching for someone who isn’t interested is like trying to grab something in a 3-D movie.
So I may have lost the battle of love this time, but I won the war against myself. No more self-deprecation over love lost. This July, I am going to continue to celebrate my independence, and hold out for nothing less than fireworks.